Fat Louis -January 25, 2012
Stop the presses we’re getting new money. Plastic money, can you believe it? Canada, one of the world’s leaders in pulp and paper, is switching to plastic money. Oh, sure they call it “polymer money” to make sound better, but don’t let the name fool you — it’s plastic.

The change makes a perverse sort of sense if you think about it. Plastic money lasts longer, costs less, and is harder to counterfeit (no more Xeroxing sheets of hundreds for me — sigh). The new bills do, however, have one significant drawback … they’re easier to launder. Not ‘launder’ in the criminal sense, the other kind — as in “Do the laundry.” You can now send your jeans through the wash without having to worry.

Washable money, that’s a novel idea. Considering paper money is among the dirtiest items Canadians come in daily contact with — germs, faeces, even cocaine! The more sanitary plastic money might prove to have unexpected benefits: by preventing the spread of illnesses this change to out bills could prove an effective cost saver for the overburdened Canadian Health Care system. Another positive in the new money’s favour, it might make that old saying, “Stretch a buck” come true. I’ll be anxious to see how these plastic bills fare in our extreme weather. Will they hold up to August’s heat or melt like silly putty? How about those forty below nights … will the new money freeze in my wallet and shatter when I unfold it, or shake off the cold like a team of well-trained sled dogs?

Other countries have made the switch, and so far their economies haven’t collapsed — at least not because of the plastic. Canada will be introducing its new bills in order of denomination. The $100 was first in November 2011. Next comes the $50 in March 2012 (so keep your eyes open!), and then the rest, $20, $10, and $5, all entering circulation in 2013.

Having got my grubby little hands on the new C-note I must say it feels, “Weird.” Not real. There’s no texture. It’s slick, like plastic. Oh, and it doesn’t hold a fold real well either (I tried some festive origami for Christmas and the bill just kept springing back). The biggest thing I noticed was its size. Holding it I would have swore it was smaller than the old bills. After a quick comparison proved the truth — it’s the same size — I decided it just looks smaller. Oh, and for those of you looking for the reported “obscenities” hidden in the design, good luck — I couldn’t spot anything … and believe me, I tried.

The only bad news is that, now that the government is bringing in the new bills, they’ve put paid to the hope we were going to get a five-dollar coin. Those of us looking forward to stumbling over the odd dropped $5 coin come spring are, of course, devastated.

Oh, but not to worry there are changes coming to the coins too. Only the most devout numismatist (read: coin nut) will notice or care. What’s happening? The nickel core is being changed to steel. This cheaper metal won’t have any cosmetic difference (the coins will look the same) but will make our change slightly lighter. Too bad it won’t go any further..
(Read Fat Louis' previous column)